Values Own the Problem When:


  • You and your Child may not necessarily be upset.

  • Neither of your immediate needs may be blocked, except for your need to see your teen/child grow up with healthy values.

  • Your concern for your Childís future may be your primary concern.

  • You see them making decisions that can impact their character development or endanger their future potential. 


Parent is proactive:

  • Parent initiates teaching of values to Child.

  • Motivated by developmental goals for the Child.

  • Parent is responsible to instill values, while your Child is responsible to learn them.

  • Parent must take initiative in teaching values.

Our traffic sign analogy is now that of a pedestrian.  We are walking and are at the crossroads of life.  Pedestrians have either a stop or walk option.  As parents, we teach and model values, but must stop trying to control or force values on our Children/Teenagers.  Ultimately, values have to be embraced by the Child/Teen.  We canít do that for them.  Ultimately, it is their life.  At the crossroads of life, we get the signal to stand with our Children. This is a time to teach Values to our Children.  Then we get the signal to walk. Then itís time to walk-the-talk by modeling the values we taught.  Parents are not passive bystanders in the issue of values.  But our Children/Teens have a major part in their development of values. 

As parents, we are not the only input into our Child/Teens life.  Their personality, siblings, peers, teachers, and circumstances play a major role in the development of values.  We need to recognize that when our Child/Teen doesn't develop the values we embrace, itís not all on us.  We are only a part of the process.


Examples of When Values Own the Problem:

  • Child does something contrary to the values you want to pass on to him/her.

  • Your Teen has taken drugs and this is against your values.

  • Your Child uses foul language.

  • Your Child lies (also a Parentís Problem).


When Values own the problem, we are dealing with a category that is long-term in its purpose of developing character.  The fruit of your labors will often not be seen until your Child/Teen is grown and on their own.  You may see some effects before then, but not always.  So it is important to be patient.  The development of good values is a process that is actually life-long.  Values are the development of character.  This involves four principles that govern relationships: honesty, fairness, responsibility, and respect.  Parenting on Purpose is to teach these values that will lead to an effective, productive life.   This category is significant for Christian parenting. SR


Skills for when Values owns the problem;

If you need additional help with a live Coach, you can call Earl Friesen, M.A. at (866) 471-1220