The Child owns the problem when:


  • The childís need or want is frustrated in some way.

  • It is not the problem for the parent because the parentís/families
    needs or wants are not frustrated.

  • The Parent may be upset, but only because of:
    -the pain in the Child, or
    -concern the Child will do the right thing.

  • Child reveals s/he has a problem.

  • The Child expresses feelings, disappointment, frustration, sibling or
    friendship conflicts. 


The Parents responsibility is limited when the Child owns the problem.  The Child has primary responsibility for dealing with the issue.  The Parentís main responsibility is to help equip the Child to deal with the issue.  We are on the sidelines in terms of dealing with the issue directly.  The Parent's role is being the Child's teacher/coach/cheerleader 


Our traffic sign is now red.  We stop in terms of dealing with the issue directly.  Our Child has the green light.  It is up to them to deal with the issue.  We are only in an equipping role.  SR


Examples of When the Child Owns the Problem:


  • Your Child failed to make the team.

  • Your Child/Teen has a conflict with a friend.

  • Your Teen didnít get the job.

  • Your Childís feeling are hurt due to a friendís harsh words.

  • Peer Pressure

  • Sibling Rivalry


It is easy to underestimate the problems of our Child/Teen.  Their problems are as difficult for them as ours are for us.  Our teens and children often encounter more complex issues than we did at this stage of life.

With this level of problem ownership, our purpose is be to help equip our Child/Teen to deal with life.  We demonstrate respect for them by not trying to solve their problems for them, but we equip them to think for themselves, manage their feelings, learn from their choices, and be responsible for their behavior.  All of this helps them become more competent and assertive in dealing with the issues of life.  They will learn how to develop their skills, use their abilities, learn from their mistakes, and enjoy their successes.  Parenting on Purpose is to help develop our Child/Teen's resources and abilities to successfully deal with the challenges of  life.  SR


Skills for when the Child/Teen owns the problem;


If you need additional help with a live Coach, you can call Earl Friesen, M.A. at (866) 471-1220