The following conditions exist when the parent owns the problem:  SR

  • The Child is satisfied, but his/her behavior is a problem to the parent or family member.

  • The Child’s behavior interferes with a family member’s needs, wants and/or goals.

  • The Parent feels annoyance, frustration, anger, resentment, or dislike for the Child. 

  • The problem may be the Parent's due to the Child/Teen avoiding their own problem, i.e., doing chores.

The Parent’s Responsibility:

  • The Parent needs to be proactive.

  • Parent initiates communication.

  • Parent is motivated by his/her own or family needs.

  • The Parent is responsible to find solutions to the problem.

  • Parent must be satisfied with own solutions.

  • The Parent must carry out his/her own solution.

  • Must follow through on the solution.

If we use the traffic light analogy, when the parent owns the problem, the parent has a green light.  This means we need to proceed in dealing with the issue.  It is our move.  No one else is going to solve the problem for us.  It is up to us to deal with it.  Our purpose is to set effective limits on our Child/Teen so they develop healthy boundaries.  SR


Examples of when Parent owns the problem;

  • Your Child/Teen will not do his/her chores on time.

  • Your Teen plays his/her music too loud.

  • Your Child/Teen is disrespectful.

  • Your Child/Teen lies to you about an issue.

  • Your young Child is whining.

  • Your Children are arguing loudly.

  • Your Teen gets home one hour after curfew.

  • Your Child nags you after you have told them “No” to what they want.


These are typical types of problem we have as Parents.  Our purpose with these types of problems is to teach our Child/Teen the relationship between cause and effect.  The basic life principle is that privileges are dependent on our level of responsibility.  If we are irresponsible, we lose privileges.  Dealing effectively with these problems will help your Child/Teen to delay gratification, appreciate their privileges, and develop responsibility.  The skills for this category are skills to set limits on your Child/Teen’s behavior and teach cause and effect principles.  Setting effective limits becomes internalized so the child develops self control.  Parenting on Purpose is to teach cause and effect principles.  This gives our Child/Teen motivation to excel in their activities because they experience the benefits from their efforts and learn the negative aspects that come from negative behavior.                      


Skills for when Parent owns the problem;


If you need additional help with a live Coach, you can call Earl Friesen, M.A. at (866) 471-1220