conditions exist when the parent owns the problem:
The Child is
satisfied, but his/her behavior is a problem to the parent or family member.
behavior interferes with a family member’s needs, wants and/or goals.
feels annoyance, frustration, anger, resentment, or dislike for the Child.
The problem may be the Parent's due to
the Child/Teen avoiding their own problem, i.e., doing chores.
needs to be proactive.
motivated by his/her own or family needs.
The Parent is
responsible to find solutions to the problem.
Parent must be
satisfied with own solutions.
must carry out his/her own solution.
through on the solution.
If we use the
traffic light analogy, when the parent owns the problem, the parent has a
green light. This means we need to proceed in dealing with the
issue. It is our move. No one else is going to solve the
problem for us. It is up to us to deal with it. Our purpose
is to set effective limits on our Child/Teen so they develop healthy
when Parent owns the problem;
Your Child/Teen will not do
his/her chores on time.
Your Teen plays his/her music
Your Child/Teen is
Your Child/Teen lies to you
about an issue.
Your young Child is whining.
Your Children are arguing
Your Teen gets home one hour
Your Child nags you after you
have told them “No” to what they want.
These are typical types of problem we have as Parents.
Our purpose with these types of problems is to teach our Child/Teen the
relationship between cause and effect. The basic life principle is that privileges are
dependent on our level of responsibility. If we are irresponsible,
we lose privileges. Dealing effectively with these problems will
help your Child/Teen to delay gratification, appreciate their
privileges, and develop responsibility. The skills for this
category are skills to set limits on your Child/Teen’s behavior and
teach cause and effect principles.
Setting effective limits becomes internalized so the child develops self
control. Parenting on Purpose is to teach cause and effect
principles. This gives our Child/Teen motivation to excel in their
activities because they experience the benefits from their efforts and
learn the negative aspects that come from negative behavior.
Skills for when Parent owns the problem;
need additional help with a live Coach, you can call Earl Friesen, M.A.
at (866) 471-1220